Anger...Part Deux

Anger can be a very scary thing. If you don't deal with it, eventually you will blow up about the dumbest, stupidest, most trivial thing and people will have no idea what the hell is going on. And no matter how much you try to explain that what you blew up at has nothing to do with why you blew up (following me?), they just won't understand. The straw that broke the camels back, as it were. It's easier to not be so angry if you deal with things that bother you as they come up. But, if you already do that and nothing changes, there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes I'm just angry and I can't even figure out why.

If I've had a migraine for a long time, I can get angry easily. And sometimes there is no way to calm myself down. Even though I'm sitting there thinking about how stupid this whole thing is and that I'm acting like an idiot. But if someone else tells me I'm only angry because I'm tired and I need to relax, WATCH OUT! You better run far and hide. Only I can think that, you just sit there, look pretty and be quiet.

Sometimes if I get anxious, I start thinking about the worst case scenario, because in my mind that is what's going to happen. Things will never end well, in my mind anyway. And when I do that, I just think about all the ways I've failed or how I'm going to fail. I've already given up before I've even started and that will then set off anger. Why am I not good enough? Why don't I think I'm good enough? Why do I always get so crazy when something gets changed?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. How many times can I repeat that and not sound like a parrot? It's an excellent prayer to live by, but sometimes in the moment there is nothing that can be done. How many times can I scream "SERENITY NOW!" and get no where? ALOT unfortunately.

Learn to not let the stuff you can't change bother you. Walk away when people are being stupid. Take a deep breath when you want to scream. Remember you can't change stupid! And there's nothing wrong with telling someone that you are upset and need a minute before you respond and rip them apart. Stupid people will always be stupid, liars will always be liars, people who are difficult will always be difficult. The only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions.

I guess my hope by rambling and talking nonsense is that it's making me more aware of myself. Hopefully I will stop and think more often instead of letting myself get so angry. Maybe I'll be more aware of what's happening and I'll control it more, or deal with the situation before it escalates. My temper usually gets the best of me. I don't like it and I want to change it!