Anger & Forgiveness

Anger and forgiveness are two huge things that I'm trying to work out. It's extremely difficult to just let go of things. One of the toughest concepts for me to grasp is that forgiveness is more for you than it is the person who hurt you. That forgiving someone does not mean you forget or even want to have a relationship with that person. It's to let yourself begin to heal and move forward. No matter what I do, I haven't been able to get to that point yet. It's so hard to do when the person who hurt you just doesn't get it, or doesn't care. But I'm never going to get an apology from them, and even if I did, would it make a difference? But all the anger is making me bitter. And me being bitter is them having control over my mood and how I feel. Those people don't deserve to have any control over my life. I'm sure they are just moving on with theirs.

We chose as a group to do a bible study on Forgiveness as our next topic. We are going to be on week three. And I'm not feeling forgiving yet. But I hope I get there someday. I hope I start to lighten up a bit and can relax. It's just amazing to me that people can forgive with the help of God and be alright with everything. I just finished reading "The Shack". That is truly a book about forgiveness. It's based on a true store and if that man can forgive, why can't I? I guess it's because I'm in a different place in my journey, or I just don't want to forgive yet.

One of my biggest problems is that dealing with people who are like brick walls really gets to me. I constantly have to just keep my mouth shut because no matter what I say they are right and I'm wrong. And they truly believe that what they are saying is right even if you have hard evidence that it's not. And that makes me CRAZY! But unfortunately I'm unable to avoid these people. Just keep my mouth shut and smile. But I want nothing more than them to acknowledge that they don't know what they are saying! And being around them just floods me with feelings of anger. I try to laugh to myself about it so that I can relax but it doesn't always work.

Anger is such a horrible thing to constantly be carrying around. I wish I could say that you are the only person it effects, but that just isn't true. It effects you so much and in ways that you aren't even aware of. And the people around you can feel it and sometimes you even take it out on them. It's so hard to hide and keep to yourself. And it kills you slowly on the inside. So the quicker I can figure out why I'm unable to forgive and let go, the quicker I can move on and just be happy.