Victory!

Well, as you know, I started doing weight watchers again a few weeks ago. And as usual, since the day I started, I've been tempted to eat things I shouldn't all the time. Since I'm so black and white with weight watchers, if I have a plan and then something happens to screw up that plan, I throw my hands up in the air (wave them like I just don't care) and eat whatever I want and get discouraged afterward. I look at life happening as a free pass to mess up what I'm trying to achieve and not stay on track. But fortunately, so far, this time has been different. How you ask?

The Monday after I started I had made a plan to make grilled cheese sandwiches when Mike got home. Well, it was after 6 and he still wasn't home and I was starving. How, oh how I wanted so badly to just tell him to stop and pick up McDonald's on the way home. But I didn't. I went and fed Riley to calm myself down and get my mind off of it. Then I decided I was going to make a different dinner. Somehow I pulled myself out of despair! And I stayed on track! That Tuesday I kept telling myself to remember and bring an extra drink with me to work so I would have it at Bible Study that night. Well, of course I forgot it. And I immediately thought "I'll just buy a big soda and drink that".  But I didn't. I bought a water and just dealt with it.

On that Wednesday I brought something for lunch that I had never had before. I heated it up and attempted to eat it. It smelled bad and tasted even worse! Immediately I thought I'll go have something from the Bistro for lunch. Then I thought about it and asked my friend if she wanted to have lunch, I figured it would be a good distraction for me. So we had lunch in the Bistro, I had a banana and grapes. It was yummy, and I got some of my fruits and veggies for the day and stayed on track! There are many more stories just like that, but I haven't given in!

Then we have last night. Mike and I went out to dinner for our anniversary. I chose Buffalo Wild Wings because I love it there and weight watchers has points for their menu items. I was so excited to find out that what I normally ate was totally doable. I was all set to get my Buffalo Chicken Flatbread and be happy :) Well of course as soon as we get there, I immediately start thinking that since it's a special occasion that I can have appetizers and soda and even dessert. The waiter came and I ordered a water with lemon! Then I had my flatbread and I was so proud of myself that I stuck with my original plan. I can do this!

Your first friends/enemies! Siblings :)

Where oh where do I start. Most of us can't stand our brothers and sisters when we are growing up. We fight with each other, we scream at each other, kick, punch and try to hurt each other as much as we can when we are growning up. You are always fighting for attention, angry that the other one is alive. You really don't need a reason to go off when it comes to your brothers and sisters. You will rat each other out for the littlest thing and help each other get into trouble. And as long as you clean up the blood, your parents really don't want to hear about it anymore!

If you are one of the lucky ones, as you grow up and hopefully mature, you may start to form a tolerable relationship with your brothers and sister. You may be able to sit in the same room with them without punching and kicking. You may have a conversation at the table without name calling and screaming. You may actually agree on things once in awhile and who knows, maybe even watch tv together. But you will be at separate ends of the room of course. You pay take rides from each other to the mall or movies. You will need each other and out of necessity, you will be kind and try to get along.

Maybe as you become a young adult you will become friends with your brother and sister. Crazier things have been known to happen. You may hang out together. Sometimes you may call each other for advice. Miracles could happen and you could go out to dinner, plan a trip together. You will rely on each other. You won't even realize it's happening. This may not happen until there is a life changing event in your life. Someone may get married, one of you has a baby, graduates from college or joins the military. All of a sudden, one day you may even need each other so much, you won't know what you did with out them. You will come to rely on each other just to get through the day. You need to know they are there for you and you want them to know that you are there for them. You both have been through the same situation and can relate to each other. And that will bring you to a level of closeness that couldn't have been achieved without that tragedy or life changing event.

But like everything else in life, these relationships will have a life cycle also. The day will come when these relationships may start to fade. The person you were super close with will start to slip away. The siblings you were so so with might remain the same or seem strained. The one you were getting through things with might seem to feel like you are losing them all over again. And it might take another tragedy to get you all back together. But no matter what you are brother and sister. And hopefully that bond will keep you always and forever in each others hearts.

Random Acts of Kindness

Random acts of kindness should be just that, random. We shouldn't do them because someone expects us. We shouldn't necessarily preplan to be kind. We shouldn't feel like we need to keep track of all the kind things we do. Random acts of kindness should be from the heart. It should be something that you feel good about doing. You should help someone in need. Whether it be financial or just listening to them or even giving them a compliment.

I've tried to do as many random acts of kindness as I can, whenever I can. You should always do them for the right reasons and not because you want people to notice it and reward you for it. Random acts of kindness have been come very popular to talk about lately. And everyone is encouraging it or they are sharing their acts. People are challenging others to do it. Especially since the horrible tragedy at Salem Elementary School in December. Because of that tragedy, everything was 26 Random Acts of Kindness. One act for each angel that was taken from us way too soon.

Then unfortunately we had the bombing tragedy at the Boston Marathon earlier this year. So then all the signs became 26.2 Random Acts of Kindness. It is wonderful if all the hype is causing more people to be generous with their money, time or patience. I just hope it all continues after the dust settles and the hype dies down. Kindness should be for a time period. It shouldn't be what's popular to do. It should be done because we are human and we need to help each other.

Children will still need Christmas presents. Families will still need food and maybe help with bills, maybe just a ride somewhere. Homeless people will still need clothing and money. Elderly people will always love visitors, even if they don't remember you. Friends will always need someone to talk to, and random strangers love compliments. You have no idea how what you do, that may seem so stupid or insignificant to you, impacts someone else. Even if they don't understand it at the moment, it will hit them later. And hopefully what you do then encourages them to pay it forward.

I encourage people to do what they can, as I will continue to do. It definitely makes life richer.

Getting Started...Finally

So I've officially taken the plunge. I restarted Weight Watchers this weekend. And just as predicted, I'm already stressed out and I already feel like I'm going to fail. But I will continue to press on. In the words of Joyce Meyer, "You need to press on and press through to be in Victory!". I will fall off the wagon but I will get right back on this time. I really wish I could remember what happened back in 2006 or so, something happened that I totally went off track and gained everything back. I won't allow something like that to happen again.

It will be challenging but it will be worth it. Mike is behind me 100%, as he always is with anything and everything. And the poor guy is asking questions and wanting to understand the process. He wants to know what he can buy and what not keep in the house. He doesn't want to make me uncomfortable or upset me. And all I do is bite off his head for asking a million questions. Instead of being happy that he wants to help me and support me, I get defensive and irritated. I'm trying so hard to not do that, but I think it's more of a defense mechanism I use when I feel like I'm being judged or I don't feel like I'm good enough.

I definitely have things to work on and work through. But it all takes time and patience. And I don't want to push away the people who are there to help me. I do know that from the first time, I need to deal with my body image issues. My body image issues were a huge problem when I lost all the weight last time. I don't want to go through that again and not deal with it. That could have been part of the problem in the end. And I don't want that to happen to me again.

This time I'm trying to set up little rewards for myself for hitting weight loss goals. I'm breaking it up into doable numbers so I don't get overwhelmed. I don't take much time for myself so getting my hair done, getting my eyebrows done, getting new clothes especially since I hate shopping. It's very difficult to think of non food rewards right now. But I will do it as I go. There are things that I'm looking forward to when I lose the weight and I try to keep that in my mind also. I miss crossing my legs, being active, having fun outside, feeling more in control of everything. And there is so much more that will be better this time around.  

This time around it's not only me benefitting with all these changes, but my family. We can do so much more together. Especially with Riley. I will want to be outside with her. We can do 5K's as a family since that is something Mike loves. I used to walk until I couldn't walk anymore. I would exercise like a crazy person. And I felt pretty good when I was done. I will get back to that! It's important that we all eat better together and teach the kids good healthy lessons. It's important that we be active together to show them how important activity is.

I WILL DO THIS!

Meal Planning

This is a topic that I have recently become very interested in. I just wonder how people do it and if it really does help. Does it help make things easier at home knowing what you are going to make instead of having that hour where you argue with yourself everyday about what you want? Does it really help you save money on groceries since you are shopping from a list that you need to make what you are planning? What happens when you suddenly are invited out to dinner? Or you won't be home early enough to make what you planned because you were stuck at work?

These are the questions I have. Along with others I'm sure. On one hand, I do think that it's a good idea to meal plan to a point. I have not done it before and I would like to start. I think it would help with keeping on track with Weight Watchers. If you know what you are having for dinner you can plan the rest of your day. And if something comes up during the day, you will already know how many points you had planned for dinner and you can help yourself that way. It will help you stay on track, or make you really think if you want to give something up so you can have something else.

Planning is always a great idea when it comes to having a busy lifestyle. It provides peace of mind, it takes some of the guess work out of your day, and it's just a plan - it can always be changed. What happens when it's time to make dinner and that really isn't what you want? My black and white brain says I have to eat it anyway. But then I will screw up later in the day because I didn't have something I really wanted and that will lead me to make bad choices. I'm very black and white when it comes to certain things. And like I've said before, I need to learn to understand the grey area.

I'm just afraid that with the grey area, things will get off track. If I go grey once, who's to say I won't get out of control and just go wild? I know it sounds silly, but this is the craziness that I live with everyday going on inside my head. And since it's going on inside my head, I can't get away from it. I need to look at everything as making life style changes. Not that I'm just doing all this to lose weight. I'm doing it to get healthier and I will most likely need to do it for the rest of my life to be able to maintain it. And that thought shouldn't be scary. It should make me excited.

I'm making life changes. And they are for the better. Life is going to continue on whether I do it or not. I can either work on myself and become a better person all around. Or I can sit and wallow about how I haven't done anything to help myself and look at where I am now. I'm going to get older and time is going to pass me by. So either I deal with this and make some changes or just feel bad for myself. I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to have bad days. But I need to deal with that and move on. I can't keep beating myself and then undoing all my hard work. How is that helping? It's not. But I have to get that through my thick skull!

Can only take off so much!

It's amazing how two people can be in the same room, and while one is wearing a coat, the other has a fan on! That's pretty much my life every where I go. I very rarely get cold, and I'm very rarely comfortable. I'm usually hot! It has also gotten much worse since I became pregnant and even since I've had Riley. Even when I'm hot at night I still want a cover on so I need a fan blowing on me. It's like a comfort thing for me I guess.

When I have a migraine it's even worse. I feel like I have a fever, but I want to be bundled up all cozy in bed. I'm usually sweating like I'm getting paid to do so and I feel like there is a cloud of heat around me, and it follows me everywhere, like a dark cloud. I try to stay in a dark, cold room that is quiet and have ice on my head. I don't mind winter as far as coldness. At night it's nice to be under all the covers and if I'm cold I can put on more clothes and blankets. You can turn on the heat and warm up a bit if you need to. But in the summer, I can only take so much off!

Air conditioning is my best friend. It's not easy when you are in the car and feel like you are dying because you are so hot. You turn on the air conditioner and the other person is freezing so they want to move all the vents or turn it off. I don't know what you people expect us hotties to do. Just make sure you keep a parka with you at all times. Gloves and a scarf probably wouldn't hurt either. Always be prepared I say.

It's so aggreviating when someone (Mike) says "It's so nice out today, it's only 75"...UMMM 75 is not nice. Your skinny butt might love it, but I will still be hot.  And in the state of CT that means it's also humid. The air conditioner takes the humidity out of the air and cools it down so that 75 is tolerable. And when you live on the 2nd floor it's even warmer! 75 at night is not fun to sleep in either. Maybe the 60's and I'll just use the fan. But I need to sleep and if being cool is the only way I can sleep so I can function the next day, so be it.

This is more of a bitching session and a PSA all rolled into one. Please try to understand what it's like to be sweating and only be able to take off so much clothing!