Getting Started...Finally

So I've officially taken the plunge. I restarted Weight Watchers this weekend. And just as predicted, I'm already stressed out and I already feel like I'm going to fail. But I will continue to press on. In the words of Joyce Meyer, "You need to press on and press through to be in Victory!". I will fall off the wagon but I will get right back on this time. I really wish I could remember what happened back in 2006 or so, something happened that I totally went off track and gained everything back. I won't allow something like that to happen again.

It will be challenging but it will be worth it. Mike is behind me 100%, as he always is with anything and everything. And the poor guy is asking questions and wanting to understand the process. He wants to know what he can buy and what not keep in the house. He doesn't want to make me uncomfortable or upset me. And all I do is bite off his head for asking a million questions. Instead of being happy that he wants to help me and support me, I get defensive and irritated. I'm trying so hard to not do that, but I think it's more of a defense mechanism I use when I feel like I'm being judged or I don't feel like I'm good enough.

I definitely have things to work on and work through. But it all takes time and patience. And I don't want to push away the people who are there to help me. I do know that from the first time, I need to deal with my body image issues. My body image issues were a huge problem when I lost all the weight last time. I don't want to go through that again and not deal with it. That could have been part of the problem in the end. And I don't want that to happen to me again.

This time I'm trying to set up little rewards for myself for hitting weight loss goals. I'm breaking it up into doable numbers so I don't get overwhelmed. I don't take much time for myself so getting my hair done, getting my eyebrows done, getting new clothes especially since I hate shopping. It's very difficult to think of non food rewards right now. But I will do it as I go. There are things that I'm looking forward to when I lose the weight and I try to keep that in my mind also. I miss crossing my legs, being active, having fun outside, feeling more in control of everything. And there is so much more that will be better this time around.  

This time around it's not only me benefitting with all these changes, but my family. We can do so much more together. Especially with Riley. I will want to be outside with her. We can do 5K's as a family since that is something Mike loves. I used to walk until I couldn't walk anymore. I would exercise like a crazy person. And I felt pretty good when I was done. I will get back to that! It's important that we all eat better together and teach the kids good healthy lessons. It's important that we be active together to show them how important activity is.

I WILL DO THIS!